Letters can be very personal and are often treasured by the receiver, so I’ve penned another letter to my daughter.
My dearest K,
You have hated every minute in school and never thought you would have made it this far. But, here you are at the end of the eighth grade. Congratulations, my child!
Struggles
My heart ached every time I saw how difficult it was for you to read out loud. We would practice your scripts and Bible verses for church, until you had them memorized. But those times when you were called on suddenly, because the church leaders perceived you to be such a brilliant young lady, I was embarrassed for you, as you labored to get through the readings.
Then there was the dreaded school. Every day. I made you go even when you complained of feeling sick, because I thought you were trying to escape. Unlike your third grade teacher, you middle school teachers did not understand the challenges of dyslexia, neither did they seem to want to.
I cringe every time I think of the public humiliation you endured, dying a thousand deaths every day. My heart aches when you recall how a teacher would unmercifully keep embarrassing you for reading aloud haltingly. Or making derogatory statements when you didn’t quite process and understand her question, preferring to think you hadn’t prepared at home, when you had spent many hours doing so, and fell into bed exhausted, every night.
No wonder you preferred hanging out with the boys. Unlike the girls who sat around talking about the books they were reading, they ran and jumped and played games you could identify with and feel accomplished.
Spelling continued to haunt you. Now, even more than before considering the difficulty of the assigned textbook.
Do you recall your difficulty reading social cues and showing appropriate behavior for different places? There was that time when you were playing with classmates instead of lining up and you were punished by having the class treasurer job – the one thing you exceled at and cherished, taken away. That was very poor judgment and downright mean of the teacher.
I can only imagine the way your experiences eroded your trust in adults who glossed over the tasks you accomplished, but humiliated you for the ones you did not do because you did not know how.
Successes
On the other hand, do you remember how you learned to find your orientation point so you stopped your mind’s eye from roaming and getting you disoriented? And the clock technique that helped you go to sleep at night and wake up in the mornings?
Then, I got you that music listening therapy program to tune up your ears and your brain and you learned that your brain is musical. As your listening improved, so did your singing voice.
When we started to travel to other countries, your eyes were opened and your mind exploded when you realized that there was more to life than the struggle at school, and more ways of expressing yourself and viewing intelligence. You were permanently changed.
Traveling gave you an opportunity to see what you learned in books come to life. You observed firsthand, different cultures, food, governments and ways of life. Theory was now real.
Added to that, our extended family dynamics allowed you to ask any question and get an answer, without making you feel stupid.
You have worked so hard and so diligently.
I continue to be very proud of you.
In spite of the challenges you encountered because of dyslexia, you courageously plowed ahead and conquered them.
You are getting better, every day.
Today, you graduate with high honors.
You deserve every moment of your celebration!
Now, on to High School. I’m in your corner and you will succeed!
Love,
Mom
What positive experiences can you reinforce in your child to counter the struggles they experience, every day?
Hi Florence,
It seems like many teachers have a lot to learn about teaching individuals rather than lecturing to a class. Some may be on a power trip to be able to have control of their students and have the misunderstanding that they can get more from a child by shaming them.
I know that teaching is a very challenging job, one of the most challenging I have had.
Your letter helps us to understand the difficult times children can have in school and it warms my heart to know that with the support of a strong mother like you your daughter can excel in an uphill race.
Blog on!
Yes Doug,
Sadly, it seems like many teachers think it is their duty to be drill sergeants to their students, and overlook the need or cry for help from many of them. I hate to think of the thousands of dyslexic children and others who learn differently from how instructions are usually taught who have been emotionally and mentally scared for life. Thanks for your encouragement. I will continue my mission of enlightenment and empowerment.
Florence, your post brings tears to my eyes. Our daughter was diagnosed with Aspberger’s in 3rd grade, and suddenly all the social & academic struggles from pre-K till then came into focus. Social skills, occupational therapy, sensory integration therapy, plus a little psychotherapy, all made a difference. We transferred to a smaller school so she could ask more questions, because she had so many. We found schools that allowed audio books and other special resources to support “double E” kids: a learning exception + also smart with the right support, even though they weren’t right for her, it was great to discover progressive educational models. Middle school was where those aids paid out, and by high school she asked for a more challenging academic environment. She graduated from university magna cum laude with honors, and is now in 2nd year of medical school. Along the way, she has worked with an academic coach, who helped with time management and study skills, and that has made all the difference. Bless you for your patience, vision and constant love and support. I’m sorry you and she had to endure uninformed teachers who could/would not help or support her. If you’d have asked me in elementary school what my daughter’s future was, I would have never imagined this. I wish your daughter well in continuing to discover her gifts and learning strategies, and wish you continued perseverance and insight and joy as she progresses in schoo! Onward! I’m cheering you both from afar.
Thank you, so much, Kathleen. Your comments have warmed my heart. Like with your daughter, my daughter’s supports began to pay off in middle school, as things got more and more difficult. I also kept her in small schools and was ever-present in school for trips, events, PTA meetings, etc. and unannounced visits. Congratulations to your daughter. I wish her continued success. Perseverance and hard work has a way of rewarding the diligent, in the end.
Loved this and it brought back many memories.
Thank you, Carol. I appreciate you.
Florence, what a wonderful letter. And what a wonderful mom and teacher you are. I believe both your lives are enriched through these experiences.
Yes, Lily. Our friends comment, frequently, on the close relationship my daughter and I share. When I first found out what her problem was, I used to ask God, “Why me?” But I didn’t let that deter me from searching for ways to liberate the brilliance within my daughter. Now I thank God for choosing me to be her mother. Because of my experience, helping other parents of dyslexic children has become a passion of mine.