Tag Archives: LearningDifferently

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How to Give Your Dyslexic Child Roots and Wings

At the beginning of my parenting journey, I came across this quote, “There are only two lasting bequests we can hope to give our children. One of these…is roots, the other, wings.”

According to Quote Investigator, the earliest evidence of this saying comes from a book by a prominent 1953 newspaper editor, Hodding Carter, in which he said a “wise woman” said those words to him.

One day, I would like to meet Ms. Anonymous. Many profound statements have been made by her.

When I first learned that my daughter was dyslexic, I was crushed. The plans I had; the dreams I’d cherished disappeared the moment I read the dyslexia specialist’s evaluation report.

As in any other loss, I went through the grieving process.

Denial

First, I thought she had made a mistake. Perhaps my daughter had just misunderstood some of her questions and directions. My brilliant child could not have the D word.

Anger

“Why me?” I asked God. After all, I am the academic in my family. “Why would you do this to embarrass me?” My friends expected my daughter to be a genius. Now, instead I would be humiliated. I didn’t even know anyone with a dyslexic child.

Bargaining

If only I had spent more time teaching her the basics… If only I had homeschooled her… If only… If only… If only…

“Okay, God, I’ll do better. Can you make this go away?”

Depression

“I’m an introvert, so I’ll just keep to myself and tell no one,” I thought.

Acceptance

Finally, I arrived at a place of acceptance. This is the hand I was dealt, so God must have a good reason. After all, He said that all things work together for good to those who love Him. The time had come to buckle down, do some research, and tackle this monster. When all is said and done, I am more than a conqueror.

This was the point when I sat down, reflected, prayed, and made a plan. I am resilient – my mother taught me how. I am a winner – my father instilled that in me.

I picked up myself, dusted off my mental dross, and stepped out to vanquish dyslexia. I resolved to give my daughter roots and wings.

Roots so deep that no one could shake her belief in herself… her gifts and abilities.

Wings so wide that nothing would keep her from reaching her highest goal in life.

How to give your child roots and wings:

Most importantly, come to a place of acceptance quickly.

Make memories in elementary school:

Highlight her strengths and use them to build her weaknesses.

Counterbalance the negatives teachers and other authority figures pour into her.

Read about that in my first letter to her here.

Make memories during the middle school years:

Find and implement programs available to strengthen the weak skills. Not just the popular ones, but also try those that may only have anecdotal evidence. If they worked for someone else, they may work for you.

Travel. Let her see social studies in action in real life. Take her to various countries. Let her explore the real world.

Check out my letter recounting my daughter’s middle school experience.

Make memories while she is in high school:

Teach her self-advocacy. Help her discover how she learns and provide the support and encouragement for her to travel on her own. Let her build confidence in her ability to surmount the most challenging difficulties.

Discuss every topic she’s interested in. Be prepared for your knowledge and imagination to be stretched.

Give her space to grow into her personality. Look at her graduation letter here.

Be a safety net for her during her young adulthood:

When my daughter went away for college, I visited regularly, and we chatted on the phone frequently.

Her friends got acquainted with me and I became a mentor to some and a surrogate mom to others.

Throughout the years, at different intersections of life, my daughter thanked me for the way I raised her and the consistent support I gave.

She still has some challenges, but she has learned how to roll with them.

On the other hand, she has excelled in the areas of her gifting, and receives ongoing accolades.

Many years ago, I come across some books and tapes by Dr. Denis Waitley. This poem of his resonated with me, and I hope it does with you, too.

A poem to parents…from their teenage child

If I had two wishes, I know what they would be
I'd wish for Roots to cling to, and Wings to set me free;
Roots of inner values, like rings within a tree,
And Wings of independence to seek my destiny.

Roots to hold forever to keep me safe and strong,
To let me know you love me, when I've done something wrong;
To show me by example, and help me learn to choose,
To take those actions every day to win instead of lose.

Just be there when I need you, to tell me it's all right,
To face my fear of falling when I test my wings in flight;
Don't make my life too easy, it's better if I try,
And fail and get back up myself, so I can learn to fly.

If I had two wishes, and two were all I had,
And they could just be granted, by my Mom and Dad;
I wouldn't ask for money or any store-bought things.
The greatest gifts I'd ask for are simply Roots and Wings.

By Denis Waitley

As you ponder the future, what is your major goal for your child?

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What If You Read Through A Dyslexic Child’s Eyes?

The one constant about dyslexia is its inconsistency. Each child’s encounter is unique. Even when two children have difficulty in the same area, reading for example, their struggle has different nuances.

Listen to dyslexic 2nd-grader, Maya, talk about her reading challenges.

Now, Jade gives a heartbreaking account of her 8th-grade dyslexic reading experience. Look through her eyes here.

Yesterday, you walked through one day at school with Henry.

Today, it’s your turn to experience what a dyslexic child sees when she reads. Here’s a fun way to understand and appreciate why learning and thinking differences can be so frustrating.

Go ahead and try a dyslexia reading simulation. Click the link below.

https://u.org/31RqeeY

How did you feel while trying to complete the reading task in the allotted time?

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The Skinny On Hearing… Listening… And Dyslexia – Part 1

When asked what does our ears do, many people will say that they hear.

Did you know that hearing is not the ear’s only function?

Most of the sensory energy transferred to the brain goes through the ears. They:

  • Regulate balance
  • Direct movement and coordination
  • Permit language
  • Cause us to speak eloquently
  • Make us sing in tune
  • Adjust our eyes when we read
  • Control our arm, hand, and finger movements when we write
  • Protect us from sounds we do not want to hear, e.g. sounds of our own body

In addition to all of that good stuff, the ears are interconnected with several levels of the brain and act as a double antenna through which it receives messages from the body and the environment.

So, you can see, your ears are your link to your inner world and the outside world.

What is listening?

Merriam-Webster defines it as paying attention; hearing something with thoughtful attention.

This definition denotes that listening is an active process through which we make sense of, evaluate and respond to what we hear.

On the other hand, hearing is passive – once the hearing mechanism is physically intact, sound enters the ears and travels along the auditory pathway to the brain, where the sound waves are changed to electrical signals and given meaning.

Listening, therefore, brings harmony within us, as well as in our relationships with others. When listening does not develop in a satisfactory manner, the harmony is broken and good communication is sabotaged.

Although some generate good results with sustained effort on the part of the child, many of the programs promoted as interventions for the reading difficulties experienced by dyslexics are minimally effective.

While there is efficacy in practice, considering Herman Ebbinghaus’ work on memory (without context, about 50% of what is heard is forgotten within 1 hour), most remediation programs include multiple repetitions of instruction with lots of drill and practice, without any work to eliminate underlying issues with foundational skills, like listening.

I have not read any scientific or academic research studies, which looked at improving listening as an avenue for alleviating reading difficulties, but I have my own anecdotal experience. As mentioned in my previous post, when my dyslexic daughter completed The Listening Program, her singing voice improved (the voice can only produce what the ear can hear). In addition to that, she demonstrated better attending skills. This led to increased success in learning and communication.

Have you or any of your children experienced any form of auditory stimulation?

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Perseverance: Another Letter to My Dyslexic Daughter

Letters can be very personal and are often treasured by the receiver, so I’ve penned another letter to my daughter.

My dearest K,

You have hated every minute in school and never thought you would have made it this far. But, here you are at the end of the eighth grade. Congratulations, my child!

Struggles

My heart ached every time I saw how difficult it was for you to read out loud. We would practice your scripts and Bible verses for church, until you had them memorized. But those times when you were called on suddenly, because the church leaders perceived you to be such a brilliant young lady, I was embarrassed for you, as you labored to get through the readings.

Then there was the dreaded school. Every day. I made you go even when you complained of feeling sick, because I thought you were trying to escape. Unlike your third grade teacher, you middle school teachers did not understand the challenges of dyslexia, neither did they seem to want to.

I cringe every time I think of the public humiliation you endured, dying a thousand deaths every day. My heart aches when you recall how a teacher would unmercifully keep embarrassing you for reading aloud haltingly. Or making derogatory statements when you didn’t quite process and understand her question, preferring to think you hadn’t prepared at home, when you had spent many hours doing so, and fell into bed exhausted, every night.

No wonder you preferred hanging out with the boys. Unlike the girls who sat around talking about the books they were reading, they ran and jumped and played games you could identify with and feel accomplished.

Spelling continued to haunt you. Now, even more than before considering the difficulty of the assigned textbook.

Do you recall your difficulty reading social cues and showing appropriate behavior for different places? There was that time when you were playing with classmates instead of lining up and you were punished by having the class treasurer job – the one thing you exceled at and cherished, taken away. That was very poor judgment and downright mean of the teacher.

I can only imagine the way your experiences eroded your trust in adults who glossed over the tasks you accomplished, but humiliated you for the ones you did not do because you did not know how.

Successes  

On the other hand, do you remember how you learned to find your orientation point so you stopped your mind’s eye from roaming and getting you disoriented? And the clock technique that helped you go to sleep at night and wake up in the mornings?

Then, I got you that music listening therapy program to tune up your ears and your brain and you learned that your brain is musical. As your listening improved, so did your singing voice.

When we started to travel to other countries, your eyes were opened and your mind exploded when you realized that there was more to life than the struggle at school, and more ways of expressing yourself and viewing intelligence. You were permanently changed.

Traveling gave you an opportunity to see what you learned in books come to life. You observed firsthand, different cultures, food, governments and ways of life. Theory was now real.

Added to that, our extended family dynamics allowed you to ask any question and get an answer, without making you feel stupid.  

You have worked so hard and so diligently.

I continue to be very proud of you.

In spite of the challenges you encountered because of dyslexia, you courageously plowed ahead and conquered them.

You are getting better, every day.

Today, you graduate with high honors.

You deserve every moment of your celebration!

Now, on to High School. I’m in your corner and you will succeed!

Love,

Mom

What positive experiences can you reinforce in your child to counter the struggles they experience, every day?