“How was school today?”
“Good.” (monotone)
“What did you do?”
“Nothing.” (same monotone)
“Wow! You spent 6 hours doing nothing?”
“Oh mom!” (melodramatic sigh)
Knowing the difficult time she had in elementary school, I was anxious to know how things were going for my daughter, now that the difficulty level of the work had increased in middle school.
After a couple months of this type of exchange, I thought, “There must be a better way. I’m getting no information here.”
I got help from the National Center for Learning Disabilities.
Here are 10 questions parents ask that they have rephrased. The questions are open-ended and better evoke a response. I hope they help you as much as they helped me.
Avoid These Questions
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Try These Instead
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- How was school?
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- What’s the biggest difference between this year and last year?
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- Did you have fun at school?
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- What was the best thing you did at school?
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- Who did you sit with?
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- Tell me the names of the four kids who sat closest to you.
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- Was your teacher nice?
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- What was the most interesting thing your teacher said today?
- What class rules did your teacher say are important?
- What did your teacher say she likes to do?
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- Did your teacher go over the daily schedule with the class?
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- What is the best thing about your daily schedule?
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- Did you have everything you needed for school?
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- Was there anything you wish you had at school that you didn’t have today?
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- Were the kids in your class nice?
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- Who did you enjoy talking with the most?
- Did anyone have anything fun or interesting to talk about?
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- Did you get your schedule?
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- Which days look best on your schedule?
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- Are your friends in your classes?
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- Tell me two kids you remember from each class.
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- Was the work hard?
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- What was the best thing your teacher asked you to do in ____ today?
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By the way, this line of questioning can be adapted for any situation and person.
What “walls” have you run into when it comes to asking your children questions?
Love the rephrased questions, Flo!
But I wonder whether these might backfire too because kids are – well – kids who just want to be left alone! hehe
Seriously though, your posts are wonderful because they actually offer solutions to pertinent parenting issues! Muaaah
LOVE you
Kitto
You have a point there, Kitto. Perhaps, I should have added that it is a bad idea to start firing those questions as soon as they get home. I have learned to limit the amount and scatter them throughout the evening.
These are great rephrases. I’ll have to share them with the parents of my students.
I’m teaching a unit entitled “Happiness” and I included some coaching techniques the other day. One of my seniors told me his mom didn’t believe him when he answered her “What’d you do in school today?” with “We learned about happiness.” I did suggest that he explain that a bit more.
Parents definitely need to be more diligent with their questions. Otherwise, the student who responds by saying “Nothing” can become the student who does nothing in class. Then, there are shocked parents because they didn’t pay attention or question more precisely.
Thanks for sharing.
There is so much to learn about parenting. Each growth phase brings with it new challenges. Parents must always be willing to keep learning more and more as our children age.
I was thrilled when I read your report on your “Happiness” unit. Keep up your good work.
Very useful post! I’m going to use this with my son too. I face the same dilemma with him when I fail to gauge his progress from his responses in monosyllables. Thanks for sharing!
You are welcome. As we share what helps us, we all become better parents.