The ability to focus, control one’s emotions and behavior, and adjust to change is essential for success in school.

Children rely on self-regulation skills in school and in everyday life. But many children with learning challenges often struggle with it.

When you see a child [or adult] throwing tantrums, he is unable to self-regulate.

I. What is self-regulation?

Many times, the word self-regulation is used interchangeably with self-control. Although they are related, they are not the same.

Self-control is primarily a social skill. Children use it to keep their behavior, emotions and impulses in check. They use self-control to manage problems only when they arise.

Self-regulation, on the other hand, is an executive functioning skill that allows children to manage their emotions, behavior, and body movements when they are faced with a situation that’s tough to handle. It gives them the ability to do that while staying focused and paying attention to the task on hand.

By reducing the frequency and intensity of strong impulses, self-regulation allows children to identify and reduce the causes of problems in mood, thought, and behavior.

So, when a child is able to self-regulate, he can feel upset about not getting the device or gadget he wanted and asked for, but act calm and speak respectfully.

Self-regulation is not a behavior that is learned to avoid punishment, but involves thought processes and understanding.

Based on prior training and instruction, the child decides what to think, feel, say, and do in various uncomfortable situations, especially when he has the desire to do the opposite.

In essence, self-regulation makes self-control possible or unnecessary.

I want you to note that, although self-regulation develops most in the toddler and preschool years, it continues to develop into adulthood.

II. Why is self-regulation important?

Research has found a critical link between a children’s ability to self-regulate and their language and literacy development.

They found that children who could self-regulate earlier had higher language and learning skills through at least second grade. This earlier learning creates a lasting impact on their education.

These children are better equipped to develop additional skills earlier as well.

Skills like comprehension; vocabulary; early decoding, or the ability to identify letters of the alphabet and read short words; and phonological awareness, or understanding the sound structure of language.

Here are some benefits of self-regulation:

• Learn in school – because it gives your child the ability to sit and listen in the classroom.
• behave in socially acceptable ways – because self-regulation gives your child the ability to control impulses.
• make friends – because self-regulation gives your child the ability to take turns in games, share toys and express emotions in appropriate ways.
• become more independent – because self-regulation gives your child the ability to make good decisions about his behavior and learn how to behave in new situations with less guidance from you.
• manage stress – because self-regulation helps your child learn that he can cope with strong feelings and gives him the ability to calm himself down after getting angry.

III. How can you tell if your child has trouble with self-regulation?

Here are 5 ways to tell:

1. Demonstrates impulsive action in an emotional situation. For instance, grabs or throws thing.
2. Gets overexcited and has a hard time calming down.
3. Has tantrums or meltdowns when overwhelmed.
4. Struggles with transitions between activities.
5. Has difficulty waiting or taking turns.

IV. How can you help your child develop self-awareness?

First, you must structure your home environment and routines in ways that support your children.

Children develop self-regulation through warm and responsive relationships. They also develop it by watching the adults around them.

Don’t have unrealistic expectations… remember they are developing at different rates from your friend’s children.

Here are 7 simple ways to help your child develop self-regulation.

1. Ensure they get adequate sleep at night.
2. Play self-regulation games with them, talk with them about the rules and expectations of the games ahead of time. (e.g. Red Light, Green Light; The Freeze game; Ready, Set, Go!)
3. Schedule family time without distractions in the background. Talk about emotions with your child and help him name the emotions he is feeling when things don’t go his way.
4. Give a daily emotion check-in.
5. Create a calm-down area.
6. Practice wait time. (Use a timer)
7. Role-play scenarios together.

As you use these strategies, remember that self-regulation skills develop gradually, and be patient with your child.

Your child’s ability to self-regulate is a critical element in childhood language and literacy development. The earlier he can sharpen these skills, the faster his language and literacy skills will develop, thus, leading to better overall learning skills in the long run.